How close we are?

In psychology, a concept ‘communicative distance’ is supposed to determine the comfortable distance between two people. It is said distance less than 0.5 meter is only good for couples or families, which makes me think if I’m that close to my parents?

If you remember, I mentioned in a former blog the first time I said ‘我爱你，妈妈’ was the day I knew I passed my college entrance exam. And that was the first time I hugged her. I was already 18 years old at time. It didn't mean that we didn't love each other. I will say it’s just not something we will do to show how close we are.

When I tried to figure out the reason, I realized I couldn't. It’s too complicated. It’s about all those culture for 5000 years. What I can do is try to tell you how that works in my life not the reason. My family is a pretty typical working class family. I think although my parents tried to be close to my life physically, they keep a distance from my mental life. For ‘physically’, I mean they take good care of me including my food, my clothing, my education and so on. But ‘hug’ is another thing. It’s not just physical touch. It’s a way of ‘loving’. I will say they are too shy to express ‘love’ although they do everything they can to love me, to protect me. That’s an important part of Chinese culture ‘implicit’ (I don’t know if I use this word right.)

I love you without saying a word.

But time is flowing, things are getting different. If we go back to 200 years ago, a father was even not supposed to smile or to praise his son or daughter. At least my father always smiles to me. And now a lot of families are more westernized. Younger parents are braver to show their love to kids. They kiss their kids, hug them, say ‘I love you’ to them. So do kids.

Sometimes, I still feel regret. I felt so warm when I hug my American family and friends. I hope I can do same thing to my family. Unfortunately I can’t. It’s just too stranger. However, I know we still love each other without saying it.

Lesson3: I’m a beauty!

If there is a verb we need to learn first, I will say it’s definitely 是(shì). As a verb, it’s usually translated into ‘to be’. One thing surprised me was one of my American student didn’t understand what ‘to be’ is. I spent a lot of time on explaining it’s ‘am, is, are’. As I mentioned before, there is no verb conjugation. So 是(shì) is the only word for ‘am, is, are’ in Chinese. It’s often used as:

Subject + 是(shì) + Object.

Generally, the usage is quite similar as English. I will say it’s quite boring. But in this sentence pattern, the object should be a noun not an adjective. Now let’s practice a little. Here is some words:
我(wǒ)      I
你(nǐ)      you
他(tā)      he
这(zhè)      this
那(nà)      that
中(zhōng)国(guó)人(rén)    Chinese people
美(měi)国(guó)人(rén)      American people
美(měi)女(nǚ)         beauty
帅(shuài)哥(gē)       handsome guy
傻(shǎ)子(zi)         fool
天(tiān)才(cái)        genius

Make creative sentences as much as possible.

我(wǒ)是(shì)美(měi)女(nǚ)！

The reason why I selected 是 today is not just because the verb ‘to be’. It’s ‘yes’ in Chinese, too. How important that is! Technically, any yes-no question can be answered as ‘是’. Every time my teacher or boss talk to me, I will continuously say:  ‘是’, ‘是’, ‘是’ with a sincere face, which can make their speech as short as possible.

BTW, the title is just an example sentence. I didn’t mean it.

Lesson2: All about name.

In Confucius’s philosophy, ‘name’ is a very important concept. So in lesson two, let’s talk about ‘name’.

我(wǒ)叫(jiào)~~

If you open any textbook, you can definitely see that sentence. It’s still a basic sentence: Subject + Verb + Object. The verb here ‘叫’ means ‘to call’, ‘to be called’. Literally the sentence means ‘I am called…’. If you want to ask others’ name:
A：你(nǐ)叫(jiào)什(shén)么(me)名(míng)字(zì)？
B：我(wǒ)叫(jiào)张(zhāng)晓(xiǎo)丽(lì)。
什(shén)么(me)   what
名(míng)字(zì)   name

If we look at the name ‘张(zhāng)晓(xiǎo)丽(lì)’, in most cases, the first character is a surname. There are hundreds of surname in Chinese. If you are interested in that, a book <百(bǎi)家(jiā)姓(xìng)> lists most common surname. Back to the first name, unlike western name, Chinese parents pick one or two meaningful characters for kid. Take my name as example: ‘晓(xiǎo)’ is a character that for my generation in my family. My paternal cousins all share that character. The last one ‘丽(lì)’ means ‘pretty’. My parents wished I was pretty! So sad that wish not always come true. But you can still pick one or two characters you like as your Chinese name.

Sounds wonderful right? Actually not. Technically you can choose any characters you like, however there are some rules you need to pay attention:
1.    Don’t name yourself as an object: 猫(māo)，狗(gǒu)，苹(píng)果(guǒ)，牛(niú)奶(nǎi)(For meaning of these words, please go back to the last lesson)… I do have a student named himself as ‘bacon’. I mean I can tell his passion of food but it’s not a good Chinese name at all.
2.    No negative image in Chinese: 鬼(guǐ)（ghost）, 血(xuè)（blood）, 泪(lèi)（tear）…
3.    Some characters only suit girl. Vice verse.

Tips: if you don’t have any Chinese friends help you to check your Chinese name, here are some safe characters for name.
Male: 伟(wěi)-great，仁(rén)-mercy，德(dé)-moral，光(guāng)-bright，明(míng)-bright, smart，诚(chéng)-loyal， 轩(xuān)-high,tall，康(kāng)-healthy，文(wén)-knowledgeable.
Female：婷(tíng)-tall and pretty，颖(yǐng)-smart，妍(yán)-beautiful，文(wén)- knowledgeable，慧(huì)-smart，雪(xuě)-snow, pure，静(jìng)-quiet, peaceful，玉(yù)-jade

Last but not the least, don’t call your friend’s Chinese name before you make sure you are close enough. It’s very rude for one to call others’ name especially those who are elder or in the higher position than you. I thought I was quite comfortable with American culture until one day, my colleague introduced me to her cute 8-year-old girl: This is Vera, say ‘Hi’. Since that time, she always calls me ‘Vera’. I mean I understand that’s American culture. But this is the image in my mind: