If you’ve ever learned even a little Chinese, you probably know the phrase “对不起(duì bù qǐ)”. In most textbooks, “对不起(duì bù qǐ)” is translated to mean “sorry,” or “I’m sorry.” Other books might say it means “Excuse me”. I often hear my beginning students use this phrase. However, you may notice that Chinese people don’t say it that often. Are all Chinese people being rude? Of course not! The difference is that “对不起(duì bù qǐ)” is not 100% the same as the English phrase “I’m sorry”. In Chinese, “对不起(duì bù qǐ)” is only used when you did something wrong, and caused trouble. Today, we will look at this simple but often incorrectly used phrase.
It’s common for an English speaker to say “sorry” when he or she feels sorry for someone else’s problem. For example, if I told you that I failed my TOEFL exam, you might expect to be able to reply “对不起(duì bù qǐ)”. However, instead of feeling comforted, most Chinese would feel confused by that reply. As we stated above, this phrase is only used when the person saying it did something wrong. It’s not your fault the person failed the exam! An appropriate response for this bad news could be:
啊？太糟了(a? tài zāo le)。Ah? That’s too bad.
别难过(bié nánguò)。Don’t be sad.
怎么会(zěnme huì)？How come this happened?
The only case you could use “对不起(duì bù qǐ)” in response to bad news is if you mentioned something that made the other person sad or uncomfortable. For example,
A：你的狗怎么样(nǐ de gǒu zěnmeyàng)？How is your dog?
B：我的狗死了(wǒ de gǒu sǐ le)。My dog passed away.
A：对不起(duì bù qǐ)！I’m sorry.
In this case, it’s your “fault” that you mentioned the sad thing, so it would make sense to use “对不起(duì bù qǐ)” to apologize.
One other time it’s appropriate to use “对不起(duì bù qǐ)” is when we might use the English phrase “Excuse me”. Again, if you’re causing someone trouble or inconvenience, then you can use “对不起(duì bù qǐ).” For example,
对不起，这是我的座位(duì bù qǐ, zhè shì wǒ de zuòwèi)。= Excuse me, but this is my seat.
对不起，请让我过去(duì bù qǐ, qǐng ràng wǒ guòqù)。= Excuse me, please let me pass.
对不起，请再说一遍(duì bù qǐ, qǐng zài shuō yíbiàn)。= Pardon me, please say it again.
Aside from “对不起(duì bù qǐ),” there are always other phrases one might hear a lot in Chinese. One of these is “不好意思(bù hǎo yì si),” which also means “sorry,” but is not as emotionally strong as “对不起(duì bù qǐ).” In most cases, “不好意思(bù hǎo yì si)” is equal to “excuse me.” For example, if you accidentally bump into someone, “不好意思(bù hǎo yì si)” is a good choice.
Another often-used phrase is “抱歉(bào qiàn)”. This one is quite formal, but is still used very frequently, especially in Taiwan. “抱歉(bào qiàn)” is often preceeded by “很(hěn),” which intensifies it. For example:
我们没有完成合同，我很抱歉(wǒ men méiyǒu wán chéng hétong, wǒ hěn bàoqiàn)。We didn’t complete the contract. I feel sorry.
我不能参加这次会议，我很抱歉(wǒ bù néng cānjiā zhè cì huìyì, wǒ hěn bàoqiàn)。I can’t attend this meeting. I feel sorry.
Because of how formal this phrase is, it typically doesn’t carry much emotional weight. As a native speaker, I usually won’t use this phrase with my friends.
Now you know the secrets of saying “sorry” in Chinese. So, next time your Chinese friend tells you they failed their exam, don’t say “对不起(duì bù qǐ)!” Unless, of course, you caused it to happen.
2015年10月28日星期三
2015年2月10日星期二
Taxi phrases not on textbook
When you first see this title you might lose interest in reading this article because you can find related phrases in every textbook. But before you close the page, let me tell you a past experience of mine.
One summer I brought two of my best students to Shanghai for a long field trip. One of the purposes of this trip was to immerse them in Chinese. So they were supposed to complete some language based tasks. One day after a visit at campus, I told them: “Now I’m going to visit my friends, so you should go back by yourselves by taxi.” It was a very simple task for them since they had already been learning for two years and they were trained with survival phrases. All they needed to tell the driver was where they wanted to go. This is how the dialogue would usually go:
Driver：你好，你要去哪儿？/ 你去哪里？(Nǐ hǎo, nǐ yào qù nǎr? / Nǐ qù nǎlǐ?)
Hello, where are you going?
Passenger：我要去……/ 我去…… (Wǒ yào qù …. / Wǒ qù …)
I’m going to…
I was so confident in their Chinese ability until I got their call 5 minutes later because the driver asked a question that never show up in their textbook.
Driver：要走高架吗？( Yào zǒu gāojià ma?)
Do you want to take the elevated highway?
This type of question can be very frustrating for everyone learning Chinese. I realized no matter how much you learn from your textbook, there are some commonly used phrases you miss out on. The textbook is designed to teach the basics, but you need something more specific to the situations. So let’s look at these out of the book phrases that taxi drivers in Shanghai often might ask you.
Q: 你想怎么走？( Nǐ xiǎng zěnme zǒu?)
How would like to go? (Literally the sentence means: “how do you get there?” The driver isn’t lost but asks this question because he wants to make sure he picks up the way you like in case you complain that he takes the long way)
A: If you are an “old China hand”, let him know the way you prefer. If not, 随便 Suíbiàn (up to you) is a good one to imply that you are not just someone who has doesn’t know the way.
Q: 走隧道吗？(zǒu suì dào ma?)
Shall we cross the tunnel?
In Shanghai, Pudong and Puxi are separated by Huangpu River. There are tunnels and bridges that connect two areas, and the driver may ask you which one you prefer. You can answer with either one.
A: 走隧道(zǒu suì dào)。/走大桥(zǒu dà qiáo)。
Go through the tunnel./ Go through the bridge.
Q: 走外环/中环/内环？( zǒu wài huán /zhōng huán /nèi huán?)
Shall we go outer ring/middle ring/inner ring? This is another question about 高架(gāojià). There are three different highways in Shanghai that you can take. Of course, the best answer is still 随便(Suíbiàn).
Q: 卡还是现金？(Kǎ háishì xiànjīn?)
Card or cash? Credit card is not accepted in taxis. The card that they are referring is a ‘transportation card’ 交通卡. If you have one, you can use it however most of the time, just tell them cash.
A: 现金。( Xiànjīn.)
Q: 打表吗？( Dǎ biǎo ma?)
Shall we use the meter? This question is not asked often in town. Technically, it’s illegal to not use the meter. But at the airport or suburb area, sometimes a driver might try to cheat you with the taxi fare. So he might ask and your answer should always be: yes.
A: 请打表。(Qǐng dǎ biǎo.)
Here are some other useful phrases for comfortable taxi ride:
请慢一点(Qǐng màn yīdiǎn)
Please slow down.
I often use this phrase. Sometimes I think taxi drivers drive too fast especially on the way to the airport.
安全带呢？(ān quán dài ne?)
Where is the seatbelt?
Sometimes the seatbelt in back seat is missing. If it is, the driver will tell you that you don’t need a seatbelt. Most of the time, a seatbelt is not required to wear if you are in the back seat.
请轻一点。(qǐng qīng yī diǎn)
Please turn down the radio.
Many drivers like to listen to the radio and there is also a TV on the back of the car. So if you need some peace and quiet, you can use this phrase.
请开一下后备箱。(qǐng kāi yī xià hòu bèi xiāng)
Please open the trunk.
This statement is useful when you have a lot of luggage that you are traveling with that you can’t carry in the back seat with you.
I think now you are ready for a taxi ride in Shanghai. Carry the notes with you and have a safe trip.
One summer I brought two of my best students to Shanghai for a long field trip. One of the purposes of this trip was to immerse them in Chinese. So they were supposed to complete some language based tasks. One day after a visit at campus, I told them: “Now I’m going to visit my friends, so you should go back by yourselves by taxi.” It was a very simple task for them since they had already been learning for two years and they were trained with survival phrases. All they needed to tell the driver was where they wanted to go. This is how the dialogue would usually go:
Driver：你好，你要去哪儿？/ 你去哪里？(Nǐ hǎo, nǐ yào qù nǎr? / Nǐ qù nǎlǐ?)
Hello, where are you going?
Passenger：我要去……/ 我去…… (Wǒ yào qù …. / Wǒ qù …)
I’m going to…
I was so confident in their Chinese ability until I got their call 5 minutes later because the driver asked a question that never show up in their textbook.
Driver：要走高架吗？( Yào zǒu gāojià ma?)
Do you want to take the elevated highway?
This type of question can be very frustrating for everyone learning Chinese. I realized no matter how much you learn from your textbook, there are some commonly used phrases you miss out on. The textbook is designed to teach the basics, but you need something more specific to the situations. So let’s look at these out of the book phrases that taxi drivers in Shanghai often might ask you.
Q: 你想怎么走？( Nǐ xiǎng zěnme zǒu?)
How would like to go? (Literally the sentence means: “how do you get there?” The driver isn’t lost but asks this question because he wants to make sure he picks up the way you like in case you complain that he takes the long way)
A: If you are an “old China hand”, let him know the way you prefer. If not, 随便 Suíbiàn (up to you) is a good one to imply that you are not just someone who has doesn’t know the way.
Q: 走隧道吗？(zǒu suì dào ma?)
Shall we cross the tunnel?
In Shanghai, Pudong and Puxi are separated by Huangpu River. There are tunnels and bridges that connect two areas, and the driver may ask you which one you prefer. You can answer with either one.
A: 走隧道(zǒu suì dào)。/走大桥(zǒu dà qiáo)。
Go through the tunnel./ Go through the bridge.
Q: 走外环/中环/内环？( zǒu wài huán /zhōng huán /nèi huán?)
Shall we go outer ring/middle ring/inner ring? This is another question about 高架(gāojià). There are three different highways in Shanghai that you can take. Of course, the best answer is still 随便(Suíbiàn).
Q: 卡还是现金？(Kǎ háishì xiànjīn?)
Card or cash? Credit card is not accepted in taxis. The card that they are referring is a ‘transportation card’ 交通卡. If you have one, you can use it however most of the time, just tell them cash.
A: 现金。( Xiànjīn.)
Q: 打表吗？( Dǎ biǎo ma?)
Shall we use the meter? This question is not asked often in town. Technically, it’s illegal to not use the meter. But at the airport or suburb area, sometimes a driver might try to cheat you with the taxi fare. So he might ask and your answer should always be: yes.
A: 请打表。(Qǐng dǎ biǎo.)
Here are some other useful phrases for comfortable taxi ride:
请慢一点(Qǐng màn yīdiǎn)
Please slow down.
I often use this phrase. Sometimes I think taxi drivers drive too fast especially on the way to the airport.
安全带呢？(ān quán dài ne?)
Where is the seatbelt?
Sometimes the seatbelt in back seat is missing. If it is, the driver will tell you that you don’t need a seatbelt. Most of the time, a seatbelt is not required to wear if you are in the back seat.
请轻一点。(qǐng qīng yī diǎn)
Please turn down the radio.
Many drivers like to listen to the radio and there is also a TV on the back of the car. So if you need some peace and quiet, you can use this phrase.
请开一下后备箱。(qǐng kāi yī xià hòu bèi xiāng)
Please open the trunk.
This statement is useful when you have a lot of luggage that you are traveling with that you can’t carry in the back seat with you.
I think now you are ready for a taxi ride in Shanghai. Carry the notes with you and have a safe trip.
2014年11月13日星期四
How close we are?
In psychology, a concept ‘communicative distance’ is supposed to determine the comfortable distance between two people. It is said distance less than 0.5 meter is only good for couples or families, which makes me think if I’m that close to my parents?
If you remember, I mentioned in a former blog the first time I said ‘我爱你，妈妈’ was the day I knew I passed my college entrance exam. And that was the first time I hugged her. I was already 18 years old at time. It didn't mean that we didn't love each other. I will say it’s just not something we will do to show how close we are.
When I tried to figure out the reason, I realized I couldn't. It’s too complicated. It’s about all those culture for 5000 years. What I can do is try to tell you how that works in my life not the reason. My family is a pretty typical working class family. I think although my parents tried to be close to my life physically, they keep a distance from my mental life. For ‘physically’, I mean they take good care of me including my food, my clothing, my education and so on. But ‘hug’ is another thing. It’s not just physical touch. It’s a way of ‘loving’. I will say they are too shy to express ‘love’ although they do everything they can to love me, to protect me. That’s an important part of Chinese culture ‘implicit’ (I don’t know if I use this word right.)
I love you without saying a word.
But time is flowing, things are getting different. If we go back to 200 years ago, a father was even not supposed to smile or to praise his son or daughter. At least my father always smiles to me. And now a lot of families are more westernized. Younger parents are braver to show their love to kids. They kiss their kids, hug them, say ‘I love you’ to them. So do kids.
Sometimes, I still feel regret. I felt so warm when I hug my American family and friends. I hope I can do same thing to my family. Unfortunately I can’t. It’s just too stranger. However, I know we still love each other without saying it.
If you remember, I mentioned in a former blog the first time I said ‘我爱你，妈妈’ was the day I knew I passed my college entrance exam. And that was the first time I hugged her. I was already 18 years old at time. It didn't mean that we didn't love each other. I will say it’s just not something we will do to show how close we are.
When I tried to figure out the reason, I realized I couldn't. It’s too complicated. It’s about all those culture for 5000 years. What I can do is try to tell you how that works in my life not the reason. My family is a pretty typical working class family. I think although my parents tried to be close to my life physically, they keep a distance from my mental life. For ‘physically’, I mean they take good care of me including my food, my clothing, my education and so on. But ‘hug’ is another thing. It’s not just physical touch. It’s a way of ‘loving’. I will say they are too shy to express ‘love’ although they do everything they can to love me, to protect me. That’s an important part of Chinese culture ‘implicit’ (I don’t know if I use this word right.)
I love you without saying a word.
But time is flowing, things are getting different. If we go back to 200 years ago, a father was even not supposed to smile or to praise his son or daughter. At least my father always smiles to me. And now a lot of families are more westernized. Younger parents are braver to show their love to kids. They kiss their kids, hug them, say ‘I love you’ to them. So do kids.
Sometimes, I still feel regret. I felt so warm when I hug my American family and friends. I hope I can do same thing to my family. Unfortunately I can’t. It’s just too stranger. However, I know we still love each other without saying it.
2014年11月4日星期二
Lesson2: All about name.
In Confucius’s philosophy, ‘name’ is a very important concept. So in lesson two, let’s talk about ‘name’.
我(wǒ)叫(jiào)~~
If you open any textbook, you can definitely see that sentence. It’s still a basic sentence: Subject + Verb + Object. The verb here ‘叫’ means ‘to call’, ‘to be called’. Literally the sentence means ‘I am called…’. If you want to ask others’ name:
A：你(nǐ)叫(jiào)什(shén)么(me)名(míng)字(zì)？
B：我(wǒ)叫(jiào)张(zhāng)晓(xiǎo)丽(lì)。
什(shén)么(me) what
名(míng)字(zì) name
If we look at the name ‘张(zhāng)晓(xiǎo)丽(lì)’, in most cases, the first character is a surname. There are hundreds of surname in Chinese. If you are interested in that, a book <百(bǎi)家(jiā)姓(xìng)> lists most common surname. Back to the first name, unlike western name, Chinese parents pick one or two meaningful characters for kid. Take my name as example: ‘晓(xiǎo)’ is a character that for my generation in my family. My paternal cousins all share that character. The last one ‘丽(lì)’ means ‘pretty’. My parents wished I was pretty! So sad that wish not always come true. But you can still pick one or two characters you like as your Chinese name.
Sounds wonderful right? Actually not. Technically you can choose any characters you like, however there are some rules you need to pay attention:
1. Don’t name yourself as an object: 猫(māo)，狗(gǒu)，苹(píng)果(guǒ)，牛(niú)奶(nǎi)(For meaning of these words, please go back to the last lesson)… I do have a student named himself as ‘bacon’. I mean I can tell his passion of food but it’s not a good Chinese name at all.
2. No negative image in Chinese: 鬼(guǐ)（ghost）, 血(xuè)（blood）, 泪(lèi)（tear）…
3. Some characters only suit girl. Vice verse.
Tips: if you don’t have any Chinese friends help you to check your Chinese name, here are some safe characters for name.
Male: 伟(wěi)-great，仁(rén)-mercy，德(dé)-moral，光(guāng)-bright，明(míng)-bright, smart，诚(chéng)-loyal， 轩(xuān)-high,tall，康(kāng)-healthy，文(wén)-knowledgeable.
Female：婷(tíng)-tall and pretty，颖(yǐng)-smart，妍(yán)-beautiful，文(wén)- knowledgeable，慧(huì)-smart，雪(xuě)-snow, pure，静(jìng)-quiet, peaceful，玉(yù)-jade
Last but not the least, don’t call your friend’s Chinese name before you make sure you are close enough. It’s very rude for one to call others’ name especially those who are elder or in the higher position than you. I thought I was quite comfortable with American culture until one day, my colleague introduced me to her cute 8-year-old girl: This is Vera, say ‘Hi’. Since that time, she always calls me ‘Vera’. I mean I understand that’s American culture. But this is the image in my mind:
我(wǒ)叫(jiào)~~
If you open any textbook, you can definitely see that sentence. It’s still a basic sentence: Subject + Verb + Object. The verb here ‘叫’ means ‘to call’, ‘to be called’. Literally the sentence means ‘I am called…’. If you want to ask others’ name:
A：你(nǐ)叫(jiào)什(shén)么(me)名(míng)字(zì)？
B：我(wǒ)叫(jiào)张(zhāng)晓(xiǎo)丽(lì)。
什(shén)么(me) what
名(míng)字(zì) name
If we look at the name ‘张(zhāng)晓(xiǎo)丽(lì)’, in most cases, the first character is a surname. There are hundreds of surname in Chinese. If you are interested in that, a book <百(bǎi)家(jiā)姓(xìng)> lists most common surname. Back to the first name, unlike western name, Chinese parents pick one or two meaningful characters for kid. Take my name as example: ‘晓(xiǎo)’ is a character that for my generation in my family. My paternal cousins all share that character. The last one ‘丽(lì)’ means ‘pretty’. My parents wished I was pretty! So sad that wish not always come true. But you can still pick one or two characters you like as your Chinese name.
Sounds wonderful right? Actually not. Technically you can choose any characters you like, however there are some rules you need to pay attention:
1. Don’t name yourself as an object: 猫(māo)，狗(gǒu)，苹(píng)果(guǒ)，牛(niú)奶(nǎi)(For meaning of these words, please go back to the last lesson)… I do have a student named himself as ‘bacon’. I mean I can tell his passion of food but it’s not a good Chinese name at all.
2. No negative image in Chinese: 鬼(guǐ)（ghost）, 血(xuè)（blood）, 泪(lèi)（tear）…
3. Some characters only suit girl. Vice verse.
Tips: if you don’t have any Chinese friends help you to check your Chinese name, here are some safe characters for name.
Male: 伟(wěi)-great，仁(rén)-mercy，德(dé)-moral，光(guāng)-bright，明(míng)-bright, smart，诚(chéng)-loyal， 轩(xuān)-high,tall，康(kāng)-healthy，文(wén)-knowledgeable.
Female：婷(tíng)-tall and pretty，颖(yǐng)-smart，妍(yán)-beautiful，文(wén)- knowledgeable，慧(huì)-smart，雪(xuě)-snow, pure，静(jìng)-quiet, peaceful，玉(yù)-jade
Last but not the least, don’t call your friend’s Chinese name before you make sure you are close enough. It’s very rude for one to call others’ name especially those who are elder or in the higher position than you. I thought I was quite comfortable with American culture until one day, my colleague introduced me to her cute 8-year-old girl: This is Vera, say ‘Hi’. Since that time, she always calls me ‘Vera’. I mean I understand that’s American culture. But this is the image in my mind:
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